Fixing the broken.

Throughout our lives, we’ll inevitably come across someone who makes you get the ground pulled out from under you. They’ll sweep you off your feet, and whether it’s intentional or not, you’ll fall for them. Completely. Head over heels. Whether they mean to or not, this person will charm your ass off and make you feel like you are literally on cloud 9. And once you’ve fallen, there’s no going back. It will forever be etched into how you view this person, even if you decide to remain friends, or even if you decide to not remain in each other’s lives at all. They will always have some place special within you. From the moment you met them, they never failed to surprise you. In a good way or a bad way. They went from biking half a mile to just bring you medicine because you were feeling a little under the weather, to avoiding you in every crowded room. They went from fighting for you with all the power they had to get you to forgive them, to not caring if you ever reach out to them again. They went from not going a day without speaking or spending time with you, to only seeing you or acknowledging you when they’re under some sort of influence. This person meant the world to you, and all you tried to do and wanted to do was help them.

With recent events of Mac Miller tragically passing away from an overdose, this is something important to talk about. I read Ariana Grande’s post about how she wished she could have helped him, and how he couldn’t escape the demons he didn’t deserve. When something this devastating happens, you can’t help but look at your own life and the people who surround you. What demons do you carry with you? What demons do the people you care about carry with them? How can you help them? How can you help yourself? This is how I looked at it. It makes you really think.

The people in my life, myself included, have personal problems that we can’t seem to overcome. I try everyday to fight my demons, and become happier and healthier in the process. I want to be the best I can, and I want to love myself harder than anyone can, which seems to be such a struggle sometimes. I try though, as hard as I can. Sometimes I look at my friends, my family, my loved ones and want to always put them first. That’s how I have always been, I have always put how others feel above how I feel. That’s something in itself that carries a lot of my struggles, because it has put me in situations where I do something to make someone else happy that makes me unhappy. But I do it anyways, because that’s what will make them feel better.

I have tried so hard to fix the people I care about. Whether it’s trying in school and working to succeed academically, or if they’re in an abusive relationship they can’t seem to escape because they’re so in love with an emotionally abusive person. Or even being addicted to something that is ruining their life, and they can’t seem to quit. I have always wanted to help, and I have seen the best people have their lives and futures taken away because of these demons. I see the ones closest to me have their futures stripped of them because they can’t put the blunt down, or break up with them, or even just go to class. “Fixing” someone who does not even try to fix them self is impossible. It is something I have had to learn, and sadly watch as it all goes downhill. No matter how many times I have talked to them, warned them, and told them they could be better and make better decisions, all I can do is watch it all crash and burn. And it hurts, because all you want is the best for these people you care so much about.

Toxicity is so real in all relationships, and doing what is best for you should be number one. Look out for yourself, protect yourself, because you can’t always rely on others to do it for you. Watch out for the ones you love, but sometimes letting them fall is the best thing to do. Because if they fall completely, fall like how you fell for them COMPLETELY, then they need to realize their mistakes and pick themselves up. And all you can do is be there when needed. But some won’t really listen until they have experienced the bottom themselves. So when you meet that person, or those people who take the ground up from under you, let yourself fall. But be prepared to pick yourself back up. The fall is worth it, but if we don’t have ourselves to protect in the end then we might be the next ones who end up on the bottom. Until next time…

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