guys.

College is a transforming time in your life, leading into furthering your education, majoring in something that will help you make a good living, and finding a good job with that. That’s supposed to be the basis of what college is, but what they don’t tell you about is the baggage. Most baggage in general is usually seen as bad, but there is the good and the bad when it comes to college. And there is the good and the bad all in one particular topic you will inevitably come across as a girl in college: guys.

Whether it’s a guy you subtly flirt with at a party, or a full on relationship you find yourself in, guys are sadly inevitable. Well, it depends on how you look at it. The involvement of guys could be the best thing to ever happen to you, or it could destroy you in every possible way. Or, in most cases, both. While in college, I have encountered some interesting characters when it comes to guys. So far, it hasn’t gone so well for me… no relationships (which honestly might be the best for me right now), and possibly the most complicated friendship I’ve had in my entire life. While in this “friendship”, we went from something possibly happening between us, to something actually happening between us, to deciding to be just friends, to completely cutting each other off, and then to becoming better friends in the end (or should I say for now). I’m still uneasy about it all, and I yet to have actually come to any conclusion about my true feelings about this person. Earlier today I was at a bookstore (funnily enough shopping for this specific person’s birthday), and I came across a book of poems called “rest in the mourning”. It immediately drew me in, and I opened it up to the exact poem that inspired me to write this.

“war games.

i think i entertained you

and your bullshit

because i loved the feeling

of making up

i loved that feeling of going

to war with you as the enemy

and somehow returning

with you as my ally

i was foolish

because i believed

that fighting you

meant fighting for us

and i was wrong

so fucking wrong

-r.h. Sin”

Something about this spoke to me, because it describes what I went through with this individual so vividly. While this person still does mean a lot to me, and we were friends first and for most, something about not ever coming to a conclusion regarding it all somehow consumes me. It’s what’s always on my mind.

When I think of guys at college, I don’t think of the typical frat boy chugging beer and playing pong, while don’t get me wrong that is the typical college guy. When I think of guys, or even people in general you meet in college, I think of something much deeper. Something that has kept all of us up together until 4am with just a salt rock lamp, each other, and our voices. Something that has brought me the greatest joy, and has also brought me down a road that I hope I never come close to again. It all did forever change me, no matter how we continue on from now, it did. And I don’t think he knows that.

What I want you to take from this blobby, ramble-y blog post is that guys are inevitable in college. The shitty ones, the best ones you’ll ever meet, and maybe all of the above in one single boy. Whatever you go through and wherever you end up after it’s over, even if you have no conclusion, the best you can take from it is that it shaped you in a way you never thought it could, and changed you and your perspective on everything forever. Maybe I’m reading way too deep into this, or maybe everything does happen for a reason, but all I do know for sure is trust me when I say you really never should get involved with boys who are in your group of friends. Until next time…

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